Back to joy: allow yourself some room for joy! I have learned a little motto at the church I attend (The Highlands) that I love a lot. It goes: Don’t merely seek happiness in life - happiness is a temporary emotion; seek instead joy which is lasting because it changes you internally - it transforms you!
I have always been a lighthearted joyous person. This is because God transformed me when I was a little girl, and then did another re-haul in my youth at which point, I was slain in the joy of the Spirit (sorry for those who have no idea what I am talking about). Ever since then, I have had joy abounding from somewhere inside. This abundance brings about certain behaviors in me. I love to jump around and laugh and dance all over the place, and it’s not for attention because I mostly do it when I am by myself. I like to play games and laugh at nothing and everything. I speak in accents on a whim to whoever happens to be present. I find life very humorous: in all of it’s little nuances and I cherish them in whatever form I see fit. I am easily entertained. This is a good thing because it allows me to be comfortable and enriched whether I am around people or by myself. I am unashamed. I am not worried that someone might judge me. I am only concerned with Christ and being true to my heart.
That means, if I’m happy and my heart is telling me to jump – I jump. If I want to shout out because I love Jesus – I’m gonna shout. If I feel like breaking out into some sweet dance moves – I will. If I feel the urge to attack my sister with hugs and kisses – I attack. If my heart convulses with love for someone - I let them know how precious they are. If something is funny, even if I am the only one in the entire movie theater who thinks so – I laugh.
Sadly, there are certain people who take this kind of behavior as childish. I am not trying to create a category of people, I just say this because the joy that I have has actually been addressed negatively by a few people (both peers and older) in the span of my teen to adult life. I have noticed, however, the people who have addressed me always seem to struggle with their own contentment and real joy. When I was a child, of course I needed my parents to pull in the reigns on my craziness. But today, I’m speaking about the joy of the Lord that is rooted within me. I gotta admit- name calling still kinda hurts even as a half-adult. I mean, it’s my heart they are really saying something about. So sue me: I love to live each moment to the hilt of the situation. It’s nothing against anyone else . . . it’s just how I roll.
Wrapping up: my past has been minimal hurtful compared to the amount of AMAZING it has been (thank you Jesus). God’s grace, though vast and wide and stretching and profoundly awe-striking - it is still not a good idea to take it for granted. I am excited to fully grow up yet keep my true heart while doing so- I just gotta keep figuring it out day by day. I must do this because that is what God wants. I must do this for the future of my dreams and the things that God has called me to like my future husband, my future family and my future ministries.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Mercy and the Allegory of Acne
Ok, so you kinda get a do-over when you make a certain type of mistake for the first time and then you learn your lesson. Well, there’s a whole second level of foolishness that goes beyond that. When you’ve made the mistake and you learn from it but then for whatever reasons, you do it again – in full light and knowledge of what you are doing. You know what I’m talking about.
Let me throw something out there about God’s grace and you may feel free to disagree with me. God’s grace is always there. It is never taken from us. However, in my personal experience I believe that God allows different seasons as to how he chooses to bestow his grace. For instance: he can decide to coddle you through something – even if you are in sin, you may still feel his presence near and he may remind you up front how much he loves you and is waiting for you. Or, you can be sinning and perhaps God has decided that he doesn’t want to hold your hand as much so he pulls his presence from your life: like those times where you feel the Holy Spirit has taken a vacation from your insides. And there’s the oh-so-christianese phrased ‘dry times’ where your trekkin along on the ‘straight and narrow’ road like whistling Dixie and suddenly you run right smack into an invisible wall of seeming silence from God.
My theory on my theory is that God knows exactly what we need at exactly each moment. Whether we are blatantly sinning or making silly mistakes or right on the path, he knows when we need to be held, disciplined, quieted, left to ourselves, etc for our spiritual growth. Again, I say this from my personal experiences.
So back to this whole ‘sorting through joy and simple foolishness’ thing. There’s this one thing that kept sneaking up on me in the last four months or so . . . I want to punch it, and myself, in the face - seriously. I would like to take it out into the middle of the square hang it by its neck and set it on fire. My period of hand-held grace ended long ago. No excuses now . . . it needs to be flogged and trashed, never to see the light of day again.
As I make (stumble, trip, run) my way forward into woman-hood it is my duty to shed the things that have gotten too old to deal with. I don’t need and don’t want to carry into my future unnecessary foolishness. This reminds me of my ‘Acne’ allegory, which I will share with you now (I am sure you are smart enough to dig out the spiritual implications without me having to do it for you):
Acne: it’s defiantly a part of being young but it’s not like anyone’s pining to carry that on with them into adulthood. You don’t like the zits, of course, but at first you’re not really sure what to do about it and they’re infrequent enough for you to ignore and go about your life. Unfortunately, after leaving them unattended they begin to multiply and their appearance becomes too frequent for comfort: you can’t take it anymore. You find yourself overwhelmed at the sight of red and yellow pubescent puss pockets on you face so you start poking and prodding, squeezing and pinching but you make it worse because you are no face physician. Finally, you realize that if you really, really want to rid your face off all that ick you’re gonna have to suck it up, spend the dough and get deep cleaning, clinically approved face wash and if it’s bad enough, outside help. Once you do that though; once you make that vital step – your face immediately starts to clear up and you as a person start to feel more confident that you will make it in life. You move on with your head held high, so thankful for Oil of Ole and its creator - no matter how much it cost you.
Sadly no one, including myself, will ever be exempt from making dumb decisions. I don’t like that part about humanity but I love God’s mercy, whatever form it takes in my life.
Let me throw something out there about God’s grace and you may feel free to disagree with me. God’s grace is always there. It is never taken from us. However, in my personal experience I believe that God allows different seasons as to how he chooses to bestow his grace. For instance: he can decide to coddle you through something – even if you are in sin, you may still feel his presence near and he may remind you up front how much he loves you and is waiting for you. Or, you can be sinning and perhaps God has decided that he doesn’t want to hold your hand as much so he pulls his presence from your life: like those times where you feel the Holy Spirit has taken a vacation from your insides. And there’s the oh-so-christianese phrased ‘dry times’ where your trekkin along on the ‘straight and narrow’ road like whistling Dixie and suddenly you run right smack into an invisible wall of seeming silence from God.
My theory on my theory is that God knows exactly what we need at exactly each moment. Whether we are blatantly sinning or making silly mistakes or right on the path, he knows when we need to be held, disciplined, quieted, left to ourselves, etc for our spiritual growth. Again, I say this from my personal experiences.
So back to this whole ‘sorting through joy and simple foolishness’ thing. There’s this one thing that kept sneaking up on me in the last four months or so . . . I want to punch it, and myself, in the face - seriously. I would like to take it out into the middle of the square hang it by its neck and set it on fire. My period of hand-held grace ended long ago. No excuses now . . . it needs to be flogged and trashed, never to see the light of day again.
As I make (stumble, trip, run) my way forward into woman-hood it is my duty to shed the things that have gotten too old to deal with. I don’t need and don’t want to carry into my future unnecessary foolishness. This reminds me of my ‘Acne’ allegory, which I will share with you now (I am sure you are smart enough to dig out the spiritual implications without me having to do it for you):
Acne: it’s defiantly a part of being young but it’s not like anyone’s pining to carry that on with them into adulthood. You don’t like the zits, of course, but at first you’re not really sure what to do about it and they’re infrequent enough for you to ignore and go about your life. Unfortunately, after leaving them unattended they begin to multiply and their appearance becomes too frequent for comfort: you can’t take it anymore. You find yourself overwhelmed at the sight of red and yellow pubescent puss pockets on you face so you start poking and prodding, squeezing and pinching but you make it worse because you are no face physician. Finally, you realize that if you really, really want to rid your face off all that ick you’re gonna have to suck it up, spend the dough and get deep cleaning, clinically approved face wash and if it’s bad enough, outside help. Once you do that though; once you make that vital step – your face immediately starts to clear up and you as a person start to feel more confident that you will make it in life. You move on with your head held high, so thankful for Oil of Ole and its creator - no matter how much it cost you.
Sadly no one, including myself, will ever be exempt from making dumb decisions. I don’t like that part about humanity but I love God’s mercy, whatever form it takes in my life.
My Dilemma
Life is interesting enough without me having to add my own inadequacies and quirky behaviors to it. I feel so in the middle sometimes; like between a woman and a young adult. Perhaps because that’s where I am? I just feel the need to draw out a defined line between the two but I don’t know if that’s possible. I say I feel the need because, being the reflective individual that I am, it would be nice to analyze the two sides of the spectrum that still exist within me (or do they?) and what parts of being young can coexist with being an adult (such an intriguing word).
I do do do want to grow into a wonderful adult woman and am enjoying what (minimal) progress I have made so far. I just would like to believe that one can become an adult without becoming void of all youthfulness or fun and without turning into something overly serious and overly ritualistic. I would like to morph into someone who is serious about what needs to be serious and leaves room for joy and the outward expressions of that for all the other times (not to say that the two can’t exist at the same time) and yes, occasionally nerdy-ness.
So, my dilemma becomes shifting through the difference between light hearted joy and simple foolishness. In the next few blogs, I will address this in my life.
I do do do want to grow into a wonderful adult woman and am enjoying what (minimal) progress I have made so far. I just would like to believe that one can become an adult without becoming void of all youthfulness or fun and without turning into something overly serious and overly ritualistic. I would like to morph into someone who is serious about what needs to be serious and leaves room for joy and the outward expressions of that for all the other times (not to say that the two can’t exist at the same time) and yes, occasionally nerdy-ness.
So, my dilemma becomes shifting through the difference between light hearted joy and simple foolishness. In the next few blogs, I will address this in my life.
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