Sometimes Bordom Is A Good Thing

I say that because today I have been in a weird mood but out of it came a poem – my first one in many years. I have been bored out of my mind but it is has been more of an ill content feeling rather than an I-have-nothing-to do feeling. The truth is I have plenty to do.

I am restless; thoughts wandering, soul searching, left wanting. I gave up on myself 15 minutes ago; told myself that I needed to get out of this house. I got as far as putting in my contacts and taking my shirt off where upon feeling the refreshing breeze of my ceiling fan grace my nakedness I became acute to my state of being. I decided that going out was a futile cover-up for the fact that I need to face my own silence; yes - I am alone. And that is ok. I don’t need to fill every second of my day up with something in attempt to try and cover for it. What I do need to do is lean on my Creator and continue to deal with it.

It’s amazing how marriage changes you; you really do become 'two-in-one'. When you go into it expecting to stay that way, and then it doesn’t, it’s not exactly easy to go back to being just one-in-one. I know that I am supposed to function this way (and I need to) and I am working on it but non-the-less, sometimes it is very hard.

My heart still wants to be united to another. Not to the one who ruled me out of his life; but to his rightful replacement, whoever he may be.

Anyhow . . . moving on: After plopping on the bed and watching my fan take several turns, my mind created for me this little poem for which I have no title seeing as I just came up with it:

Shining sea depths
Riding on the waves
Waves reaching shore
Shore touching sunlight
Sunlight stretching towards the sky, I fly
Not on wings of love I go
But on the wings of a lie
Truth be shown; too close to the fire
And like Icarus, I burn
I plummet
Faster than imagined; thoughts streaming
I ask my Father, “Why?”
I . . . am . . . falling . . .

Hmm, perhaps a little walk might be good.